The T Word
by Wilusa
Summary: AU: Todd edges ever closer to a stunning realization; and someone else may arrive at the same conclusion, by a different route. This is the way I'd hoped Victor's shooting would be explained.
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: One Life to Live and its characters are the property of ABC; no copyright infringement is intended.

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_Tea knows what I did._

While he'd been keeping himself busy - charming Blair, Starr, and Sam, blackmailing Jack - Todd Manning had been able to put that out of his mind. But now, alone in bed, he could think of nothing else. He'd lain awake for hours, agonizing over it. How could he ever again think of anything else?

_Tea knows what I did._

He'd seen it in her eyes. She knew he'd killed Victor, framed her brother Tomas, done something _to_ Tomas. _She probably thinks I had him killed after he made the phone call to Blair._

Starr had called him that evening, to pass on something she'd learned from Dani. Tea was in the hospital. She'd had a scare, thought she was about to lose the baby she wanted so desperately. It had seemingly been a false alarm, just cramps brought on by stress. But her doctor was keeping her in the hospital overnight, as a precaution.

_I'm to blame for that stress._

_And I've been telling Baker he can't kill Tomas because I refuse to have more blood on my hands. But if Tea were to lose the baby, __**that**__ would be another death I've caused!_

_Hell, she isn't that far along. Doesn't even show yet._

_No, but to her, that baby is a person. All she has left of the husband she knows I killed._

He couldn't close _his_ eyes without seeing Tea's. Bitter, accusing.

By now he wasn't sure he wanted sleep to come. _My dreams might be worse._

But come it did, finally. And a dream came with it...

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Once again, he was looking into Tea's eyes. But now, for some reason, they weren't bitter or accusing. They were kind...understanding...brimming with sympathy and love.

She held out her hand, as if she expected him to place something in it.

"Give me the gun, Todd. You know you don't really want to shoot anyone! But if you keep carrying that gun around, you might give in to some impulse you'd later regret."

He realized, now, that he _was_ holding a gun. And he didn't want to give it up. He said slowly, "The door of the safe wasn't shut tight. It seemed like a sign, you know? A sign that I was _meant_ to go back and get the gun."

"No, no! Your coming here and showing it to me was the 'sign,' Todd! Deep down, you wanted someone you trusted to take it away from you."

He was only half-listening. "I really did come close to using it! But then I saw you in bed with Victor. Both of you saying you loved each other.

"And it's funny - well, sort of funny. I didn't just stop because I couldn't kill him with a witness there. It was like the two of you being in love changed things, somehow. At least for that moment, I stopped _wanting_ to kill him."

He kept toying with the gun.

"I'm so thankful for that, Todd! Now you just need to let go of the gun. Give it to someone you trust.

"You can trust _me_. Just give me the gun, and I'll take care of it. No one will know you ever had it."

He realized she was right. He handed her the gun, felt a wave of relief...

And woke with a start.

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Shock.

Pain.

And then utter despair, as reality came crashing down on him.

_Oh my God. A dream...a dream of what could have happened...__**should**__ have happened._

_If only I __**had**__ given the damn gun to Tea. To __**someone!**_

He got out of bed and paced. Shaking, weeping.

At last he collapsed in a chair.

He didn't think there was any chance he'd go back to sleep.

But he did.

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He was looking into, not Tea's eyes, but Blair's. They were kind...understanding...brimming with sympathy and love.

She held out her hand.

"Give me the gun, Todd. You know you don't really want to shoot anyone! But if you keep carrying that gun around, you might give in to some impulse you'd later regret."

He said, "The door of the safe wasn't shut tight. It seemed like a sign, you know? A sign that I was _meant_ to go back and get the gun."

"No, no! Your coming here and showing it to me was the 'sign,' Todd! Deep down, you wanted someone you trusted to take it away from you."

He told her, "I really did come close to using it! But then I saw Tea in bed with Victor. Both of them saying they loved each other.

"And it's funny - well, sort of funny. I didn't just stop because I couldn't kill him with a witness there. It was like the two of them being in love changed things, somehow. At least for that moment, I stopped _wanting_ to kill him."

He kept toying with the gun.

"I'm so thankful for that, Todd! Now you just need to let go of the gun. Give it to someone you trust.

"You can trust _me_. Just give me the gun, and I'll take care of it. No one will know you ever had it."

She was right. He handed her the gun, felt a wave of relief.

Suddenly, he realized he _could _make peace with Victor. In the most important area of their lives - the _all_-important area - they weren't rivals! Victor was in love with Tea, and he was in love with Blair!

Everything else could be sorted out. He could prove in court, if necessary, who he was and in what time periods he'd been running the _Sun_. He and his twin had identical DNA, but not identical fingerprints or, perhaps more significantly, histories of dental work. He could prove what wealth he was entitled to, and then share amicably; he didn't really believe Victor had known the truth all along. They were both victims of their dastardly mother, Irene.

He smiled at Blair, sure everything was going to be all right...

And then he woke up.

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_God, no! Not again!_

This time he stayed huddled in the chair, sobbing. Until...

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He was looking into, not Blair's eyes, but Viki's. They were kind...understanding...brimming with sympathy and love.

She held out her hand.

"Give me the gun, Todd. You know you don't really want to shoot anyone! But if you keep carrying that gun around, you might give in to some impulse you'd later regret."

He said, "The door of the safe wasn't shut tight. It seemed like a sign, you know? A sign that I was _meant_ to go back and get the gun."

"No, no! Your coming here and showing it to me was the 'sign,' Todd! Deep down, you wanted someone you trusted to take it away from you."

He told her, "I really did come close to using it! But then I saw Tea in bed with Victor. Both of them saying they loved each other.

"And it's funny - well, sort of funny. I didn't just stop because I couldn't kill him with a witness there. It was like the two of them being in love changed things, somehow. At least for that moment, I stopped _wanting_ to kill him."

He kept toying with the gun.

"I'm so thankful for that, Todd! Now you just need to let go of the gun. Give it to someone you trust.

"You can trust _me_. Just give me the gun, and I'll take care of it. No one will know you ever had it."

She was right. He handed her the gun, felt a wave of relief.

He knew he _could _make peace with Victor. In the most important area of their lives - the _all_-important area - they weren't rivals! Victor was in love with Tea, and he was in love with Blair!

Everything else could be sorted out. He could prove who he was and in what time periods he'd been running the _Sun_. He and his twin had identical DNA, but not identical fingerprints or histories of dental work. He could prove what wealth he was entitled to, and then share amicably; he didn't really believe Victor had known the truth all along. They were both victims of their dastardly mother, Irene.

He smiled at Viki, sure everything was going to be all right...

And the dream continued.

He was in another place, at a later time. Outdoors, in the rain.

Yes, of course! He was outside Victor's house, anxious to talk to him and begin trying to set things right. He'd approach his brother with his hands outstretched, clearly showing he was unarmed.

_If_ Victor let him in.

But now he saw that the front door was ajar. That didn't make much sense, but his response was a goofy smile. Another "sign"! Victor, or the house itself, was welcoming him! He was about to step through the doorway...

And he woke up.

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This time, he decided he'd move heaven and earth to stay awake.

He downed three cups of black coffee.

He didn't remember when he stopped pacing and fell onto the bed...

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He was looking into, not Viki's eyes, but Starr's. They were kind...understanding...brimming with sympathy and love.

She held out her hand.

"Give me the gun, Dad. You know you don't really want to shoot anyone! But if you keep carrying that gun around, you might give in to some impulse you'd later regret."

He said, "The door of the safe wasn't shut tight. It seemed like a sign, you know? A sign that I was _meant_ to go back and get the gun."

"No, no! Your coming here and showing it to me was the 'sign,' Dad! Deep down, you wanted someone you trusted to take it away from you."

He told her, "I really did come close to using it! But then I saw Tea in bed with Victor. Both of them saying they loved each other.

"And it's funny - well, sort of funny. I didn't just stop because I couldn't kill him with a witness there. It was like the two of them being in love changed things, somehow. At least for that moment, I stopped _wanting_ to kill him."

He kept toying with the gun.

"I'm so thankful for that, Dad! Now you just need to let go of the gun. Give it to someone you trust.

"You can trust _me_. Just give me the gun, and I'll take care of it. No one will know you ever had it."

She was right. He handed her the gun, felt a wave of relief.

He knew he _could _make peace with Victor. In the most important area of their lives - the _all_-important area - they weren't rivals! Victor was in love with Tea, and he was in love with Blair!

Everything else could be sorted out. He could prove who he was and in what time periods he'd been running the _Sun_. He and his twin had identical DNA, but not identical fingerprints or histories of dental work. He could prove what wealth he was entitled to, and then share amicably; he didn't really believe Victor had known the truth all along. They were both victims of their dastardly mother, Irene.

He smiled at Starr, sure everything was going to be all right...

And the dream continued.

He was in another place, at a later time. Outdoors, in the rain.

Outside Victor's house, anxious to talk to him and begin trying to set things right. He'd approach his brother with his hands outstretched, clearly showing he was unarmed.

_If_ Victor let him in.

But now he saw that the front door was ajar. That didn't make much sense, but his response was a goofy smile. Another "sign"! Victor, or the house itself, was welcoming him! He was about to step through the doorway...

And he had a strange thought.

_This isn't right. The door was closed and locked. I found the keys on the ground outside the door._

_Didn't I?_

And _then_, he woke up.

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_This is crazy! __**I'm**__ going crazy! How can I be "objecting," inside a dream, to something in the dream not being like it was in real life?_

_I __**did**__ find those keys on the ground, didn't I?_

_What does it matter, when the dream was about a different situation, where I was supposedly going there without a gun?_

_My God. How can any of it "matter"? It's just a damn __**dream!**_

By now he'd decided coffee wouldn't keep him awake. So he tried going to the other extreme - putting himself in too deep a sleep to dream, or at least to remember any dreams. He dosed himself - possibly overdosed himself - with Ambien, and added a little alcohol for good measure.

_A famous actor accidentally killed himself this way..._

He was too miserable to care.

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He was looking into, not Starr's eyes, but _Irene's_. Even she, though, seemed to radiate sincerity and concern for him. Her eyes were kind...understanding...brimming with sympathy and love.

She held out her hand.

"Give me the gun, Todd. You know you don't really want to shoot anyone! But if you keep carrying that gun around, you might give in to some impulse you'd later regret."

He said, "The door of the safe wasn't shut tight. It seemed like a sign, you know? A sign that I was _meant_ to go back and get the gun."

"No, no! Your coming here and showing it to me was the 'sign,' Todd! Deep down, you wanted someone you trusted to take it away from you."

He told her, "I really did come close to using it! But then I saw Tea in bed with Victor. Both of them saying they loved each other.

"And it's funny - well, sort of funny. I didn't just stop because I couldn't kill him with a witness there. It was like the two of them being in love changed things, somehow. At least for that moment, I stopped _wanting_ to kill him."

He kept toying with the gun.

"I'm so thankful for that, Todd! Now you just need to let go of the gun. Give it to someone you trust.

"You can trust _me_. Just give me the gun, and I'll take care of it. No one will know you ever had it."

She was right. He handed her the gun, felt a wave of relief.

He knew he _could _make peace with Victor. In the most important area of their lives - the _all_-important area - they weren't rivals! Victor was in love with Tea, and he was in love with Blair!

Everything else could be sorted out. He could prove who he was and in what time periods he'd been running the _Sun_. He and his twin had identical DNA, but not identical fingerprints or histories of dental work. He could prove what wealth he was entitled to, and then share amicably; he didn't really believe Victor had known the truth all along. They were both victims of...of...their dastardly mother, Irene.

_Irene?_ Who seemed so sweet and considerate now?

Had he been wrong in handing the gun to her?

In handing it to..._anyone?_

He smiled at Irene, but it was an uneasy smile.

The dream continued.

He was in another place, at a later time. Outdoors, in the rain.

Outside Victor's house, anxious to talk to him and begin trying to set things right. He'd approach his brother with his hands outstretched, clearly showing he was unarmed.

_If_ Victor let him in.

But now he saw that the front door was ajar. That didn't make much sense, but his response was a goofy smile. Another "sign"! Victor, or the house itself, was welcoming him! He was about to step through the doorway...

And he had a strange thought.

_This isn't right. The door was closed and locked. I found the keys on the ground outside the door._

_Didn't I?_

And then he heard a voice that wasn't his say clearly, "I found the keys on the ground outside the door."

_Wh-what?_

He didn't know where the voice had come from. Inside his head, maybe. He wasn't sure how it fit into...whatever was going on around him. But it was female. And he'd heard it before.

In fact, he suddenly remembered all the previous dreams. And realized that while the woman's features had changed, the voice had always been the same. _This_ voice.

And no, it wasn't the voice of the hated Irene.

He stepped through the doorway. Dazed, yet somehow knowing what he'd see.

_She_ stood with her back to him. Looking down at the lifeless body of his brother.

_Her_ brother.

The man everyone had stupidly begun calling "Victor Lord."

_She_ said, "You take my life, Victor...I take yours."

He realized they were alone in the house. She must have been standing there for some time; approaching on foot, he hadn't heard the gunshot.

_Was she talking to him before, while he was still conscious? Telling him who she is, why she'd done it?_

_Should I make an anonymous call to nine-one-one?_

_No, don't risk it. With this much blood on the floor, he __**must**__ already be dead._

He gripped her gently, turned her to face him.

He knew, at last, that he was dealing with an alter named Tori.

And now he heard _himself_ telling _her_, "You can trust me. Just give me the gun, and I'll take care of it. No one will know you ever had it."

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This time, when Todd Manning woke up, he began to scream.


	2. Chapter 2

_"Goodbye, Viki D."_

Until she heard those words - Charlie Banks' good-humored farewell to her at the Dallas airport - Victoria Lord had been exuberant. Hurrying home on the red-eye, eager to share wonderful news with family and friends, _and_ to act on her feelings for Clint.

She was thankful she'd made the trip to Paris, Texas. Overjoyed at Gigi Morasco's having turned up alive, and been reunited with Rex and Shane!

And until the very end, everything about her unexpected meeting with ex-husband Charlie had been positive. He'd helped her see that she _had_, in a way, been running away from her problems in Llanview, just as she'd done on her first trip to that very American Paris.

More specifically, Charlie had pointed out that _he'd_ hurt her by choosing another woman over her; there was no reason to jump to conclusions about Clint, and blame _him_ for it! Clint hadn't weighed his words when he told her about the "Dear John" letter he'd received from his young ex-wife Kim. Viki had taken it to mean he only wanted her because he couldn't have Kim. But he could simply have meant that the letter had freed him from any _obligation_ he might have felt, toward a wife who'd been forced to leave him by a blackmailer.

After she'd accepted that, Viki had been flush with good will. So much so that she'd actually put in a good word, with Charlie, for Echo di Savoy! She'd told him Clint had admitted to her that he really had threatened Echo. Led her to fear that if she told anyone he and not Charlie was Rex's father, he'd have either her or Rex killed. Yes, she could have told Charlie, _after_ the truth came out, that she'd known all along. But she'd been desperately afraid of losing the man she loved. Was that such a terrible motive for keeping silent, when the only thing still at issue was what she'd known, and when?

She wasn't sure Charlie would get in touch with Echo. But she hoped he'd find happiness, even if it _was_ with her old rival.

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_"Goodbye, Viki D."_

Those casually spoken words had changed everything.

Led her to start asking herself, for the first time, why she _hadn't_ resumed using the name "Davidson" after her divorce. Charlie probably assumed she had.

She couldn't have been expected to keep the name "Banks," when she and Charlie had been married only briefly, and had - of course - no children together. But why had she reverted to "Lord" rather than "Davidson"?

Did she think she'd somehow betrayed Ben's memory by marrying Charlie? Was no longer _worthy_ to use Ben's name?

No, that made no sense. She was sure Ben would have wanted her to marry again, to have a full life. She would have wanted that for him, if she'd been the first to die.

Sadly, both her daughters were widows. They hadn't remarried, but they'd come embarrassingly close to it - had weddings disrupted, very publicly, when they were on the verge of saying "I do." And yet they were still Natalie Banks and Jessica Brennan, not at all uncomfortable using those deceased husbands' names.

_Did I go back to "Lord" because "Victoria Lord" is __**who I am**__...so much a product of my past - and the Lord dynasty, with all its ugliness - that I can never escape it?_

_Never have escaped it, even when I've tried to be a Buchanan or a Davidson or a Banks?_

_Has my being "Victoria Lord," my father's daughter, damaged all my relationships?_

She hadn't told Charlie that some years back, Clint _had_ chosen another woman over her. Dorian. That had turned out badly for him, possibly set in motion tit-for-tat attacks on rivals that continued to this day. But what he'd told her at the time was that he thought Dorian wanted him for his own sake, while _she_ was more concerned with spiting Dorian.

She'd refused to admit he was right. But...was he? _Had_ she been that caught up in an already decades-old family squabble?

If so, for how many of those tit-for-tat horrors did she deserve the blame?

She _knew_ she'd caused another kind of horror. The worst kind. She rarely let herself think about it.

Her husband Ben had suffered a devastating brain injury - which led to a years-long coma, and ultimately to his death - when Detective Antonio Vega accidentally shot him. But the injury wouldn't have been that serious if he had not, shortly before, had _another_ head injury. Sustained when _one of her alters_ pushed him out a window!

Her fault? Her _father's_ fault? It was he, wasn't it, who'd made her what she was?

Nothing that dramatic had marred her relationship with Charlie. But in some of the long, lonely nights since their breakup, she'd let herself acknowledge that she'd dealt it a death blow when she threw Echo out of Llanfair. She'd been completely justified - but that wasn't the point. She'd driven Charlie into Echo's arms, when if she'd put up with his maddening house guest until _he_ wanted her gone, he might never have had sex with her.

_That was the Lord in me...acting the lady of the manor, letting Charlie and all the world know Llanfair was __**my**__ home, never really "ours."_

Could she change, even now? Make a start, if only symbolically, by legally becoming "Victoria Davidson" again? Changing her name on the masthead of the _Banner?_

Could she endure the gossip, the speculation about why she'd done it?

Would it make any difference? _Perhaps_ _I am, unalterably, what my father made me..._

Then she was struck by the irony of that word's having come into her mind. _"Un__**alter**__ably"? When I was upset about Charlie and Echo, I learned I haven't even put my __**alters**__ safely behind me!_

She got no sleep on the flight to Llanview.

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When she disembarked, early in the morning, she turned her cell phone on and made a quick check for missed calls. There were none. That was encouraging - for once, it seemed, nothing disastrous had happened while she was away.

But as she was walking toward her car in Short Term Parking, she passed a newsstand and spotted the front page of the _Sun_.

She stopped dead in her tracks.

_Tomas Delgado has confessed to killing Victor?_

_Impossible!_

She couldn't believe, for a second, that he'd done it.

With no arrest having been made in over three months, she'd come to believe - regretfully - that Victor's murder would never be solved. That wasn't surprising. A wealthy, powerful man with an abrasive nature, he'd made dozens, if not hundreds, of enemies.

And she'd unconsciously assumed that if the killer was identified, he'd be a stranger to the family. Not someone whose involvement would cause more heartache for Victor's loved ones!

She picked up a copy of the _Banner. I hope __**we**__ haven't printed this rubbish. If we have, I'll have to devote a lot more time to running the paper..._

The _Banner_ had the story, but was much more restrained, calling it "something more than a rumor, but not fully confirmed."

She pulled out her cell phone, meaning to call the paper...and changed her mind. _Natalie will be at work by now, at the police station. She should have more information._

She reached Natalie quickly. Her daughter told her what the police knew, which wasn't much...but implied that she didn't believe it, any more than Viki did.

Natalie had more news. She'd learned from John that Tea had been so upset about this that she'd had a miscarriage scare. At last word, she was all right, and hadn't lost the baby. But she'd spent the night in the hospital.

A shaken Viki decided to stop at the hospital on her way home. To check on Tea, who'd probably still be there, and assure her that _she_ knew Tomas was innocent.

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She found Tea already dressed, waiting for Dani and the wonderfully kind John McBain to pick her up.

Tea flung herself into Viki's arms, and began to cry.

Viki hugged her, soothed her. Told her over and over that the baby would be fine, that everyone was pulling for her and eager to help. And that she, Viki, didn't believe for a moment that Tomas could have killed Victor!

_Why __**am**__ I so sure? _she wondered. _I barely know him..._

Tea pulled herself together, dried her tears...and then looked around, almost furtively. "Viki - John wants me to keep this quiet, but I think I have to tell you. In confidence, of course - not to be mentioned in the _Banner_.

"It's something you'll find hard to hear. Believe me, I hated to accept it! But it's the only explanation that makes sense. John and I are both convinced _Todd_ killed Victor. And he's framing Tomas. We think he's having Tomas held prisoner somewhere - just keeping him alive to use as leverage with his friend Calmar, force Calmar to lie."

Viki felt the blood drain from her face. "My God! No, Tea! I don't believe Tomas killed Victor, but I'm just as sure it wasn't Todd. He wouldn't have done that to you, or Blair, or the children..."

Tea shook her head, vehemently. "Like I said, I found it hard to believe, too. But Tomas had told me he was _investigating_ the killing - trying to find out who'd done it, for my sake. He seemed totally sincere, and I don't think he could have faked it. It's more likely he got too close to the truth.

"The only person known to have been in possession of the murder weapon is Todd. And he's stuck with his original story - that he gave it to a homeless man named Louie, who was supposedly going to turn it in to the police. Just to get money for a handed-in gun, part of a program for getting guns off the streets.

"There's no plausible explanation of how Tomas could have wound up with it. But if Todd had it all along, he could easily have planted it in Tomas's room."

Viki was still murmuring, "No, no. Todd had too much to lose..."

Tea hesitated, then continued, "Uh, Viki, there's one thing more. I haven't even mentioned this to John. But...you know Victor was still alive when I found him?"

Viki shuddered. "Yes."

"I asked him if he could tell me who shot him. And I thought he tried to say a name starting with the letter T." She swallowed hard. "I'm not sure. Dani suggested he might not have understood the question - might just have been trying to say _my_ name. That's why I haven't told John.

"But deep down, I've always believed he really was trying to say the shooter's name. And if it wasn't Tomas, the only possibility does seem to be...Todd."

They sat for a minute or two, morosely silent.

Then Tea said, "On a happier subject - the baby?"

Viki brightened. "Oh, yes, tell me all about it! You had an ultrasound to confirm that it's doing well?"

"Yes. And there's something I want to, sort of, clear with you.

"It's too soon to determine the baby's sex. But...this may be painful for you, but I want to name a boy Victor Lord the Third."

Viki was nodding. "Yes, that's completely understandable." _Painful, but understandable_.

"And a girl...I want to name a girl Victoria. She'll be another Victoria Lord, but I don't want you to feel as if I'm 'treading on your toes' or something! I'll be naming her for her father..."

Viki was about to say, "That's fine. I understand completely."

But before she could speak, Tea continued, "Don't worry, there won't be another Viki! I mean to name her Victoria, but I'll call her Tori. You know, like the actress Tori Spelling?"

_**"Tori?**_"

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Suddenly, Viki's mind began swirling. _Tori Tori Tori Tori Tori Tori..._

_A name beginning with the letter T..._

_Tori was the alter who was driven to kill the original Victor Lord._

_**Obsessed with**__ "killing Victor Lord"?_

_And over the years, doubts were raised as to whether she'd really killed him. Or Dorian had killed him. Or he'd survived decades longer, and tried to have one of his granddaughters murdered because __**he**__ needed a heart transplant..._

Now Viki wasn't "remembering," not exactly. But it seemed as though images were dancing at the edges of her memory.

A woman who was - and wasn't - herself held out her hand to Todd, as if she expected him to place something in it.

"Give me the gun, Todd. You know you don't really want to shoot anyone! But if you keep carrying that gun around, you might give in to some impulse you'd later regret..."

_Nooo!_

"You can trust _me_. Just give me the gun, and I'll take care of it. No one will know you ever had it."

Todd surrendered the gun...

And then, the woman who was and wasn't herself stood looking down at the body of the person she'd finally managed to kill. "Victor Lord."

"You take my life, Victor...I take yours."

_But...he __**wasn't**__ dead then. Not quite._

_He thought the person who'd pulled the trigger would be identified and arrested quickly. And with his last breath, he tried to tell Tea one of my alters had been in control..._

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"Viki? What's wrong? Are you having a dizzy spell?"

Tea. A scared-looking Tea - standing over her now, holding her in an upright position on the edge of the hospital bed where they'd been sitting.

Viki took a deep breath. "I'm all right. But I just...realized something.

"Tea...I'm sure you _won't_ be calling a baby girl Tori. Or naming her Victoria."

"I won't?" Tea looked understandably confused.

"No." Viki saw an arriving John McBain in the doorway, acknowledged him with a nod, and went on talking.

"Your brother didn't kill your husband.

"But _my_ brother didn't kill him either.

"_**I**_ killed him!"

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The End


End file.
